My heart didn't die after all... it was in hibernation

That's the conclusion - that my heart can still beat. Probably I should rejoice at this. Never thought I can feel again.

So I wonder if it had ever actually died or I had just simply refused to open its doors and suppressed it to silence.

But alas, never thought I'd open it to yet another dead end.

I guess, the happily ever after type of ending is just very difficult to find and one really needs to put in a lot of effort to find it.

I've been said that I have high expectations but I just want to find something or someone who'd make my heart skip a beat now, then and forever. I've met nice guys, great guys but some times, they just don't give me that butterfly in the stomach feeling. It might be unrealistic or overrated and maybe, not everyone gets to have her prince charming but I just want to have that, even if it is for a short while.

However, sadly, every time I do get that, the other party would turn out to be so wrong for me. But I know I don't want to settle.

I want to find my romance and hopefully hang on to it for life. I want to feel my heart and stomach do somersaults each time he is around.

Guess, I will just have to keep trying.

"Emotionally: I thought I was done. Mentally: I was drained. Spiritually: I felt dead. Physically: I could still smile"

喜怒哀乐

你的沉默真的是我的折磨

这到底是什么游戏？又要让人心动却又不行动？你难到需要证明什么？

你心里的那个她的地位，我不会想要代替

可是请你也不要把我或任何别人当做她的暂时代替品

我不想要你的道歉，只要你好好反省

真的希望你能好好去爱惜她人和自己

別再讓我為你受折磨

如果你不愛我就放了我
別再讓我為你受折磨
你的承諾愛的枷鎖
都讓它隨風而過

如果你不愛我就放了我
別再讓我為你繼續淪落
所有快樂變成沉默
狠狠刺傷我心窩
無法掙脫

-- 別再讓我為你受折磨(喬嘉)

你的沉默，我的折磨

小豪猪：

对我来说，你的沉默不是个答案，反而是个折磨。
你自己对我说过的。。。Don’t be evil。

如果你不想把心里的话说出来，也罢。

我只请求你别再让我有机会一直在你的周围继续沦落。
别再给我发不必要的短讯除非是有关我们旧同事。

别再给我多于的机会单独联系你。

If I have a relapse and msg you first, don't reply no matter what.

在这时后，我才真的需要你的沉默。

给你这个朋友空间平静下来。
好让我和我的心有新的机会走出你的影子, 再重新呼吸。

谢谢。

Now

“She didn't belong anywhere and she never really belonged to anyone. And everyone else belonged somewhere and to someone. People thought she was too wonderful. But she only wanted to belong to someone. People always thought she was too wonderful to belong to them or that something too wonderful would hurt too much to lose. And that's why she liked him-- because he just thought she was crazy.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Present with the past

Recently, I've been catching up with my ex staff.

Thanks to my new job, I've been travelling to places and meeting with my old team and it's great to catch up, check in how they are and reminisce the old days.

I don't know if I'd ever become the best people manager but I do know I've got friends whom I can catch up in so many various places - from Australia, to Malaysia, Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, Taiwan and China. Oh.. And US too :)

Guess nett of it all, I might not be the best manager but I definitely have to be a nice person (at least nice enough that people bother to want to meet up with me)

:)